Oof! The “buddy” vs “sweetheart” thing. I call my son “my love,” but it makes me think about what everyone else in his life calls him.
The “a battle to fight, an adventure to live” bit definitely resonates, but I wonder how much this is an example of social conservatives reframing *human* desires as “masculine” desires. I think of a book I read many years ago that claimed that men like to feel like they are “choosing” the people they date and marry rather than being pursued or convinced - and well, that’s probably true for many men, but it’s also true for women (or at least, me). Similarly, are women not also pursuing a “battle to fight” when they, say, join a group to fight climate change, or an “adventure to live” when they move to a new city by themselves after graduation? And the early elementary aged girls I know seem to revel in “battle play” just as much as my son does.
This book has been on my “to read” list for a while. Looking forward to getting to it very soon! Thanks for the excerpt, Jill and Ruth.
When I was a girl, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. Or Nancy Drew (whose original books DIRELY need a reissue. Nancy is WAAAYYYYYY better than the current crop of magic or dystopian heroes.). I HATED all the romance novels where the heroine’s only role was to wait to be chosen by Some Dude.
I am the mother of two now-adult sons. I tried my best, and I think successfully, to raise them without gender bias. The problem was always other people. Example: My older son, when he was a baby, had a head full of golden ringlets. He looked like a Raphael Cupid. I didn’t cut his hair until he was nearly three years old, and then only because my mother-in-law and parents complained about how everyone thought he was a girl. I sobbed later, and his hair turned brown, straight, and boring to punish me. (That last part is a joke by the way. At least the part about his hair punishing me.) I would have had his hair cut eventually — it had begun to get in the way and be hard to keep clean — but the fact that I caved to peer pressure for him to appear conventionally masculine will always shame me a little.
Oof! The “buddy” vs “sweetheart” thing. I call my son “my love,” but it makes me think about what everyone else in his life calls him.
The “a battle to fight, an adventure to live” bit definitely resonates, but I wonder how much this is an example of social conservatives reframing *human* desires as “masculine” desires. I think of a book I read many years ago that claimed that men like to feel like they are “choosing” the people they date and marry rather than being pursued or convinced - and well, that’s probably true for many men, but it’s also true for women (or at least, me). Similarly, are women not also pursuing a “battle to fight” when they, say, join a group to fight climate change, or an “adventure to live” when they move to a new city by themselves after graduation? And the early elementary aged girls I know seem to revel in “battle play” just as much as my son does.
This book has been on my “to read” list for a while. Looking forward to getting to it very soon! Thanks for the excerpt, Jill and Ruth.
When I was a girl, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. Or Nancy Drew (whose original books DIRELY need a reissue. Nancy is WAAAYYYYYY better than the current crop of magic or dystopian heroes.). I HATED all the romance novels where the heroine’s only role was to wait to be chosen by Some Dude.
So insightful!
I am the mother of two now-adult sons. I tried my best, and I think successfully, to raise them without gender bias. The problem was always other people. Example: My older son, when he was a baby, had a head full of golden ringlets. He looked like a Raphael Cupid. I didn’t cut his hair until he was nearly three years old, and then only because my mother-in-law and parents complained about how everyone thought he was a girl. I sobbed later, and his hair turned brown, straight, and boring to punish me. (That last part is a joke by the way. At least the part about his hair punishing me.) I would have had his hair cut eventually — it had begun to get in the way and be hard to keep clean — but the fact that I caved to peer pressure for him to appear conventionally masculine will always shame me a little.
Thank you so much Jill for featuring Boymom and the kind words