I also have actively avoided having children and also really love them. There is no place for abuse and neglect of children. Children must be nurtured and supported. What I thoroughly dislike are the parents who ignore their children's behavior in public places and allow them to run wild, be disruptive and ruin everyone else's enjoyment of a bar, restaurant, event, etc. I understand that sometimes it happens that a child is bored and tired. I get that and excuse it. Children should be welcome and be able to enjoy going out. Parents need to teach them how to behave in a social situation that guarantees they will (almost) always be welcomed.
I have the sense that people's frustrations/statements about kids is really an expression of the frustration that Americans are squeezed on all sides by work and commitments & there's so little time for family, community, enjoyment and unstructured interactions. And so when you do have your 10 precious seconds of free time, you want it to be 100% your way. And any reminder or request to adapt yourself/your behavior (such as the presence of a small child) is met with anger and frustration because your time is so limited. If I have 10 hours of free time, I'm happy to spend 10 minutes interacting with a child that's not my child - they are a person in the world and are interesting and fun in their own right. If I have 10 minutes of free time, I'm resentful of anyone who would take up one second of that small amount of time in a way that's not my preference. We are squeezed and it's a lack of patience. And, as anyone knows, kids are usually the first to test your patience.
Great essay. I do think our society as a whole is not kid friendly. Most everything is geared toward adults. Even at work where all I see are families so many mothers apologize for their screaming toddlers (who are acting age appropriately). I think the people who want to push women out of public spaces do not think children should be in public spaces either (ie there should never be child care anywhere all childcare should take place by the mother at home)
Great article - lots of good meta points. But, am I just really old or something? Since when are children under the age 21 allowed in bars? I don't hang out in bars anymore but I'm pretty sure kids are still not legally allowed in bars in my state. Which is a good thing. Kids should not be around people getting drunk in the bar and drunks certainly don't need to be hampered and judged by parents hanging out in the bar with their kids. As a former bartender and a parent - who has seen the best and worst these two disparate lifestyles/environments have to offer - I advise folks to stay in their own lane on this one.
I'd like to see the Venn diagram of people who complain about the behavior of children in public spaces and their approval of children using electronic devices.
Those of us who are childLESS as opposed to childFREE sometimes have difficulty with children in public spaces too -- particularly spaces like bars & expensive restaurants that were once reserved for adults only -- not because we dislike children, but because they are a constant, painful reminder of what we wanted but didn't get. It's especially hard seeing children and (ostensibly) happy families everywhere when we are newly grieving and coming to terms with the knowledge that our childlessness is going to be permanent.
As someone whose partner vastly preferred our dog for the first 5 months of our daughters life, I really enjoyed this essay 😂I know the points you make are far more profound, but I just want to say thanks for the laughs. Your intro to the subject was glorious 💕
I also have actively avoided having children and also really love them. There is no place for abuse and neglect of children. Children must be nurtured and supported. What I thoroughly dislike are the parents who ignore their children's behavior in public places and allow them to run wild, be disruptive and ruin everyone else's enjoyment of a bar, restaurant, event, etc. I understand that sometimes it happens that a child is bored and tired. I get that and excuse it. Children should be welcome and be able to enjoy going out. Parents need to teach them how to behave in a social situation that guarantees they will (almost) always be welcomed.
I have the sense that people's frustrations/statements about kids is really an expression of the frustration that Americans are squeezed on all sides by work and commitments & there's so little time for family, community, enjoyment and unstructured interactions. And so when you do have your 10 precious seconds of free time, you want it to be 100% your way. And any reminder or request to adapt yourself/your behavior (such as the presence of a small child) is met with anger and frustration because your time is so limited. If I have 10 hours of free time, I'm happy to spend 10 minutes interacting with a child that's not my child - they are a person in the world and are interesting and fun in their own right. If I have 10 minutes of free time, I'm resentful of anyone who would take up one second of that small amount of time in a way that's not my preference. We are squeezed and it's a lack of patience. And, as anyone knows, kids are usually the first to test your patience.
Great essay. I do think our society as a whole is not kid friendly. Most everything is geared toward adults. Even at work where all I see are families so many mothers apologize for their screaming toddlers (who are acting age appropriately). I think the people who want to push women out of public spaces do not think children should be in public spaces either (ie there should never be child care anywhere all childcare should take place by the mother at home)
Great article - lots of good meta points. But, am I just really old or something? Since when are children under the age 21 allowed in bars? I don't hang out in bars anymore but I'm pretty sure kids are still not legally allowed in bars in my state. Which is a good thing. Kids should not be around people getting drunk in the bar and drunks certainly don't need to be hampered and judged by parents hanging out in the bar with their kids. As a former bartender and a parent - who has seen the best and worst these two disparate lifestyles/environments have to offer - I advise folks to stay in their own lane on this one.
I'd like to see the Venn diagram of people who complain about the behavior of children in public spaces and their approval of children using electronic devices.
Those of us who are childLESS as opposed to childFREE sometimes have difficulty with children in public spaces too -- particularly spaces like bars & expensive restaurants that were once reserved for adults only -- not because we dislike children, but because they are a constant, painful reminder of what we wanted but didn't get. It's especially hard seeing children and (ostensibly) happy families everywhere when we are newly grieving and coming to terms with the knowledge that our childlessness is going to be permanent.
reasonable and well-reasoned essay.
Important to note: Worse than Miss Rachel (my grandson is into Miss Rachel) is Miss Rachel's husband. Please, Miss Rachel, keep him behind the scenes.
As someone whose partner vastly preferred our dog for the first 5 months of our daughters life, I really enjoyed this essay 😂I know the points you make are far more profound, but I just want to say thanks for the laughs. Your intro to the subject was glorious 💕