What was interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Facebook, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with girlfriends who reached their 25th birthday. Not only was I treated to several mansplaining responses telling me that it's normal to see men of DiCaprio's age preferring young women. But that most men feel the same. This horrified me because that would mean that women are considered much less attractive after age 25 and that a rich white guy with a young girl on his arm is still considered OK by our patriarchal culture.
If it were true that most 50 year old men prefer young women and would date 20 year olds and then dispose of them at 25 like Leo does (if they could only find a 20 year old hottie to go along with their plan) then Leo would not be this puzzling outlier in Hollywood, would he?
It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are... Those that "represent" women the "loudest" in the fight for visibility, equality, and respect frequently do not represent well in their personal lives. A discussion on what psychologically drives a man to not choose a partner of their own generation and maturity but rather a younger intelligent woman is very helpful for young women who may not understand fully what they may miss as they live through their 20s and early 30s, an important beautiful and challenging time in their life , if they are manipulated and controlled by one who is "wiser" and "established".
There is nothing to indicate that DiCaprio's paramours are particularly intelligent, which leads me to think an intellectual partnership isn't what he has in mind. He has done some great things to contribute to the study of environmental issues, but his girlfriends seem to not be so inclined.
I think it's gross when I see a large age gap between the man and the younger woman. I end up seeing the man differently and I have less respect for him. It is really telling about the person in my opinion and speaks volumes. It's icky and shows his lack of his emotional side development. I admire Keanu Reeves who is dating someone his own age and he seems to have better values. He is someone that scored a lot of points in my world for that.
I'm working on personal essay, addressing this topic, as a 52-year-old man married to a 33-year-old woman, and who was married once before, to a woman a couple years younger than I am. Not that long ago, I judged men in my position harshly. I never imagined myself in a committed relationship with this wide an age gap.
I appreciate you recognizing the nuance here. I know plenty of men routinely choose significantly younger women because they know they, themselves, are deficient in one way or another, and that a woman they find desirable, who is closer to their age will quickly sniff out their bullshit. And I’m certain there are a fair number of men like me out there, who have dated around, mostly with women their own age, and happened to find a much younger woman to be the right match.
At the time of my divorce, I was 40, and I assumed no stable woman more than four- or five-years younger would be the least bit interested in me. I was wrong. Instead, I found that, as I aged, my dating pool – the number of women who were available to me – grew larger and larger.
We hear a lot about why men choose younger women, and much less about why women choose older men. I think it’s fair to say conventional wisdom tells us both of the two are flawed, or else they would choose someone closer to their own age. Each is taboo.
Having been single for 10 years, and enjoyed dating around between marriages, I heard a common refrain from each of the younger women I dated. Inevitably, there would be a conversation where I would ask why they were interested in dating a man my age. Each time, they described how poorly they were treated by men their own age.
In my early 40’s, I was once at dinner with a woman who was around 30. It was an impromptu first date and my time that evening was limited. We met at a convenient location, but not as nice a place as I would normally choose for a first date. So, I thanked her for being flexible and apologized for not taking her to a better restaurant.
“I’m happy to be going to dinner,” she said. “I’m used to guys my age texting me at 11 o’clock, asking me to come over and to stop at McDonald’s on the way.”
I could go on with similar stories.
In the book The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida has some interesting things to say about how men respond to beautiful young women. He writes about the way so many men become intoxicated by them, and the energy they emit, then make terrible decisions. He also points out something I learned in those 10 years when I was single: just because you experience an attraction, it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to pursue it. Maybe you should just appreciate it, rather than trying to sleep with her.
I will say, I am skeptical whenever I hear a man scoffing at the Leonardo DiCaprio’s of the world. Some of them would behave the same way if they had Leo’s options.
What was interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Facebook, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with girlfriends who reached their 25th birthday. Not only was I treated to several mansplaining responses telling me that it's normal to see men of DiCaprio's age preferring young women. But that most men feel the same. This horrified me because that would mean that women are considered much less attractive after age 25 and that a rich white guy with a young girl on his arm is still considered OK by our patriarchal culture.
If it were true that most 50 year old men prefer young women and would date 20 year olds and then dispose of them at 25 like Leo does (if they could only find a 20 year old hottie to go along with their plan) then Leo would not be this puzzling outlier in Hollywood, would he?
It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are... Those that "represent" women the "loudest" in the fight for visibility, equality, and respect frequently do not represent well in their personal lives. A discussion on what psychologically drives a man to not choose a partner of their own generation and maturity but rather a younger intelligent woman is very helpful for young women who may not understand fully what they may miss as they live through their 20s and early 30s, an important beautiful and challenging time in their life , if they are manipulated and controlled by one who is "wiser" and "established".
There is nothing to indicate that DiCaprio's paramours are particularly intelligent, which leads me to think an intellectual partnership isn't what he has in mind. He has done some great things to contribute to the study of environmental issues, but his girlfriends seem to not be so inclined.
I think it's gross when I see a large age gap between the man and the younger woman. I end up seeing the man differently and I have less respect for him. It is really telling about the person in my opinion and speaks volumes. It's icky and shows his lack of his emotional side development. I admire Keanu Reeves who is dating someone his own age and he seems to have better values. He is someone that scored a lot of points in my world for that.
Thank you for once again brilliantly articulating the thoughts in my head, Jill. This is so dead on.
I'm working on personal essay, addressing this topic, as a 52-year-old man married to a 33-year-old woman, and who was married once before, to a woman a couple years younger than I am. Not that long ago, I judged men in my position harshly. I never imagined myself in a committed relationship with this wide an age gap.
I appreciate you recognizing the nuance here. I know plenty of men routinely choose significantly younger women because they know they, themselves, are deficient in one way or another, and that a woman they find desirable, who is closer to their age will quickly sniff out their bullshit. And I’m certain there are a fair number of men like me out there, who have dated around, mostly with women their own age, and happened to find a much younger woman to be the right match.
At the time of my divorce, I was 40, and I assumed no stable woman more than four- or five-years younger would be the least bit interested in me. I was wrong. Instead, I found that, as I aged, my dating pool – the number of women who were available to me – grew larger and larger.
We hear a lot about why men choose younger women, and much less about why women choose older men. I think it’s fair to say conventional wisdom tells us both of the two are flawed, or else they would choose someone closer to their own age. Each is taboo.
Having been single for 10 years, and enjoyed dating around between marriages, I heard a common refrain from each of the younger women I dated. Inevitably, there would be a conversation where I would ask why they were interested in dating a man my age. Each time, they described how poorly they were treated by men their own age.
In my early 40’s, I was once at dinner with a woman who was around 30. It was an impromptu first date and my time that evening was limited. We met at a convenient location, but not as nice a place as I would normally choose for a first date. So, I thanked her for being flexible and apologized for not taking her to a better restaurant.
“I’m happy to be going to dinner,” she said. “I’m used to guys my age texting me at 11 o’clock, asking me to come over and to stop at McDonald’s on the way.”
I could go on with similar stories.
In the book The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida has some interesting things to say about how men respond to beautiful young women. He writes about the way so many men become intoxicated by them, and the energy they emit, then make terrible decisions. He also points out something I learned in those 10 years when I was single: just because you experience an attraction, it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to pursue it. Maybe you should just appreciate it, rather than trying to sleep with her.
I will say, I am skeptical whenever I hear a man scoffing at the Leonardo DiCaprio’s of the world. Some of them would behave the same way if they had Leo’s options.
Bracing myself for responses here.
I think Leo has a nice relationship with a clear understanding, then sets them free. Dumping them at 35 would be much worse.
I'm wondering if he's actually gay and using this as cover.