I'm an executive producer of the movie BATTLEGROUND. The filmmaker surprised me by focusing on the anti-choice radicals who destroyed Roe. She explained, they were the only ones DOING anything that made for a good movie.
The battleground was no battleground because my side was not on the field with those religionists. They whooped up their rights-denying fervor in church and church-related activities. Any time people come together FOR A HOLY PURPOSE several times a week, they are, historically, a mighty force. And the movie showed that people in favor of reproductive justice and freedom don't gather like that. Don't form those bonds. Don't get high off those shared actions. Don't create accountability to each other so you don't dare NOT show up (for the unborn, or the political candidate, etc).
And we don't fear hell if we don't gather...but we got some form of hell because we didn't. And we don't.
I love this piece. I often think about how much is lost by having our cultural attention on large cities, states, and a very large nation. Small communities inherently provide this kind of connection. I knew so many people in my hometown growing up. I knew the baker, the car mechanic, the restaurant owners, the teachers, the people at the farmer's market, the bookstore owner, and the mayor. I knew those people by name and face easily and it made me feel like I was a part of something, even though I was just a kid. We shared a town and the love of that town, and were were woven into each other's lives. I often think of how powerful that is, and what it means to "be someone" within a small community versus striving for the most followers on the internet or to be the most famous person in the country. It's a completely different scale and one that is inherently, I think, also more filled with meaning.
My father was a Methodist minister so I grew up going to Sunday School and church. But my father was not big on literalism which didn't always sit well with everyone in the pews. Later on, when I was in the 5th grade, he became a member of the Board of Missions with an office in New York next to Riverside Church. He died when I was 17 so I never got to discuss deep subjects with him and had to find answers for myself.
My first year in college, I attended church but by the end of the year it lost its importance. In the subsequent 5 decades I had a wide variety of co-workers in a wide variety of jobs but in most of them we formed a community of shared interests due to the job and sometimes we shared other thoughts. Now that I am retired, my children in their own lives with grandchildren are unlikely, my wife and I have separate interests. She is in a book club which meets monthly and sometimes they even talk about the book they were supposed to read and I think that's a community activity. But things like this group of commenters form a bit of a community but unless we are continually active, it isn't much of one.
Is it something I miss? Do I have a hole in my life that isn't filled? Perhaps but I'm not very sociable so even in a group I'm a peripheral member.
About a month ago, I attended the wedding of a friend who just got married at the age of 59. He is an Episcopal priest, his spouse is a "him," and they were wed in the beautiful country church where my friend is the rector. They spoke about being able to marry, finally, and exchanged traditional vows that include "with my body, I thee honor," which I have always loved. Finally, the members of the congregation stood and pledged to support this couple, as is tradition. I was moved by the sense that the marriage was one loop in a larger fabric of loving community. I wondered how my own marriage might have survived, had I felt this kind of "belongingness." I can't call myself a Christian, but I love going to church for the singing, the call to higher values and virtues, and especially the idea of belonging. I am also an ardent feminist; I was molested by the deacon in my parents' church when I was 13, and it not only violated my body but my soul. Yet I can't reject all of Christianity - to do so would be reductive. "Love God with all your heart and mind and soul and strength" is a verse that I live by - the Old Testament idea that truth demands everything we have. That's a feminist sentiment. And praying to Our Creator instead of our "father" enables me to say "help me forgive." I have to believe that like other institutions, religious bodies can and should be transformed. It's not a matter of simply changing male to neutral pronouns in the Bible or whatever book; I get that. But these books, like all books, are worth study in that they reveal our history, and our history the key to a better future. I choose to believe that a man like the figure of Jesus, preaching love and overturning the tables of moneylenders, is the ultimate revolutionary figure - and so would liberation theologists. A good place for a deeper dive into some of these themes is the work of Karen Armstrong, a good feminist and former "sister" who has written numerous books excavating such history, and Christine Hayes at Yale. We can't erase religions and start over, and there are reasons patriarchal authority has historically had an appeal. Let's continue to press for change; let's be more rigorous in our thinking so that persons like my dear friend can choose to stand up in a church and marry, I can stand up and say "amen."
I love this post and am curious to what others have to say. I grew up as a “military brat” so often felt on the outside, looking in with curiosity at community. I have found community in friends unrelated to geography. And I have raised my last child in one place, a small rural New England town. It’s a lot of work, and mostly rewarding. I don’t have a regular church, rather participating here and there in a few, and I have chosen to work hard to engage in community service- and joy-oriented activities. Physical touchstones have been the community center, schools, the general store and online “hubs”. I often wonder about the differences my last daughter might feel with having an anchor. And, I often wonder if she will be considered part of the community, or if we will always be the ones who moved in to X’s place. Culture, geography, community - all can be elusive.
I love this piece - the one part I guess I’m kind of skeptical of is that we need to have “meaning-making” community spaces, or that people in them need to share a “general philosophy”. My religious upbringing was pretty benign - Reform Judaism is not exactly known for zealotry or hierarchy - but I was just never going to feel comfortable standing around while people sang the praises of an entity that doesn’t exist, or in any forum where there was a call-and-response ritual where people collectively assert any belief. I’ve gone to totally secular protests and felt the same way. I think there are ways to build community around enjoying shared activities that don’t involve expecting people to sign on to a suite of beliefs in order to join, or at least I hope so.
This is a good point -- I don't think people need to share a general philosophy, but I do think meaning-making spaces are valuable. And by "meaning-making" I don't mean "praise an entity," but more "explore the big questions that life poses." Which can certainly be done through or adjacent to other activities, and in fact is probably more meaningful when everyone doesn't have the same set of beliefs going in.
I recently had some remarkable experiences with movement improvisation / dance workshops, which brought together a wide spectrum of people in the city, and apart from exploring motion and touch, led to really interesting and deep conversations as a group. Meaningful community interaction is really possible outside religion!
Yes! One idea I've been turning over in my head is the power of physical movement, and dance in particular, in moving us through complex emotions and creating bonds with others. So glad you've had this experience.
As a public citizen, civil rights lawyer and Army veteran (Cold War Germany, Iraq and Afghanistan), I have seen much, and often asked myself the question "how can we humans do better?"
Jill's essay basically asks the same question, "but for religion." I think the answer lies in evolutionary psychology and our tribal instincts in our human nature.
A religious group is a tribe (as are a group of Yankee or Red Sox fans, PTA parents, corporate executives, Proud Boys, Never Trump'ers, Trumpist Republicans, etc). The answer to Jill's question is this: create tribes with the goals designed to serve the community in a principled manner, with liberal (small "L" values), and which provide self-satisfaction.
I recently watched the 2001 movie The Majestic, expecting a silly Jim Carrey comedy, but instead finding a very insightful view of how community in America can falter but then gain its footing with an organizing principle of community and country, creating civic cohesion. Secular religion of sorts.
From personal experience, I can provide one other "community" that fits Jill's bill--the US military.
I saw it in the Army Officer Corps and in US military generally, including veterans of WW II (my dad), Korea, Vietnam and post-9/11. These are men and women of (generally speaking) all walks of life, races/national origins, social strata (except the rich), religious affiliation (except some "ultra" groups) and political views. Americans serving in the military MUST work together, and MUST spend a great deal of time together. This forces civil discussion from different perspectives, civility and mutual understanding. The US Army, in my view, is America's most egalitarian society, and for good reason.
Thus, one year of mandatory military or community service for high school grads might be a sound means of addressing many of the problems identified in Jill's essay.
I grew up similarly (liberal household, went to church on Christmas and Easter) and stopped believing, myself, in my late teens. As I've gotten older, I do feel the void of what you describe very much. I've tried filling it with yoga, as well, and as much as I enjoy yoga, it doesn't quite fit that hole.
I tried going to church again a year or so ago. I went to an episcopal church (my family's religion and the one in which I was raised, however slightly) and dear god was it boring, lol. I guess I assumed it would be more interesting as an adult. I don't know, but I haven't been back. I'm still looking. It seems all but impossible to get (and keep) people together for this kind of purpose outside of the church/synagogue/mosque paradigm.
I was raised as a Unitarian. We rarely discussed God, or the Bible. But we did have an old out of tune piano on which someone banged out tunes from a Methodist hymnal. There was no minister preaching. Instead, the adults took turns setting up each Sunday program. A play written by a member of the congregation. An amateur quartet playing Telemann and Mozart. A lively discussion about various boycotts, what actions to take in support of Vietnam War protests, etc. We even had Frank Herbert (author of Dune) come speak. Every summer we held potlucks and played volleyball. We were not about conformity, but the exchanging of ideas. Debate. Discussion. Understanding. And inclusion.
That was my church experience. I loved it, dreaded it, and can only say that that fellowship had a profound impact on my life. To date I have on and off tried to find that type of community again, even among the Unitarians themselves, but to no avail.
I fear the bad and the good sides may be uncomfortably linked. Is it possible to have a belief system that forges deep community -- the kind where people sacrifice for each other -- without exclusion, us vs them thinking, and orthodoxy? Not many examples come to mind.
There are humanistic, non-theistic congregations in many cities in the U.S. i belong to one such congregation which is part of a nationwide organization, the Society for Humanistic Judaism, where we provide many of the benefits of traditional congregations which you describe in your article. There is the Ethical Culture Society.
We have two organizations here in San Antonio TX which provide community but not religion. One is called Celebration Circle and the other is our single Unitarian Church. I do not attend either because I am shut-in with several immune problems. But I’d definitely at least explore these places if I could.
You wrote this after all I wrote about Who decides? I wanted to help and have a unique perspective I thought...it might have been a lot to write at once...how long would it have taken you to write what I did? It was literally 20 minutes and a morning dew...no one has responded and it was as thoughtful and real as I could get...I wish you could have said something...did you even like? You have a few more minutes before I unfollow you. You deserve the $70 dollars I spent for the year. I didn’t know it could have been free, but it was not a mistake but thought I had to, you brought me here. It was worth $70 for just fourteen days...you deserve to make even more with your writing. This article is crap...does it feel like you’re winning the clean out the religion closet...is it all in order for you Jill? Is everything in order...I ask a lot of people...and today a woman who organizes came to my moms and fixed up the flooded basement some more...big project...the fastidious organizer...it’s a ministry but she charges...it’s a lot of work to organize. I hope you’re organized when you write hurtful and mean articles like this. I know what it’s like when people gloat on the edge of winning...they lose...you will lose. You are as bad as those you complain about...at least it makes you consistent. Game on...I did enjoy your articles and you can see me at church if you want. I’m there in any church in America...I’m not really unique...you are. We all have a Substack in our minds...you have it here. I will have no interaction with you here....everyone take note...comment...because Jill is a coward with yoga as her religion...she’s real limber and organized...sorted.
I'm an executive producer of the movie BATTLEGROUND. The filmmaker surprised me by focusing on the anti-choice radicals who destroyed Roe. She explained, they were the only ones DOING anything that made for a good movie.
The battleground was no battleground because my side was not on the field with those religionists. They whooped up their rights-denying fervor in church and church-related activities. Any time people come together FOR A HOLY PURPOSE several times a week, they are, historically, a mighty force. And the movie showed that people in favor of reproductive justice and freedom don't gather like that. Don't form those bonds. Don't get high off those shared actions. Don't create accountability to each other so you don't dare NOT show up (for the unborn, or the political candidate, etc).
And we don't fear hell if we don't gather...but we got some form of hell because we didn't. And we don't.
And we probably won't.
I love this piece. I often think about how much is lost by having our cultural attention on large cities, states, and a very large nation. Small communities inherently provide this kind of connection. I knew so many people in my hometown growing up. I knew the baker, the car mechanic, the restaurant owners, the teachers, the people at the farmer's market, the bookstore owner, and the mayor. I knew those people by name and face easily and it made me feel like I was a part of something, even though I was just a kid. We shared a town and the love of that town, and were were woven into each other's lives. I often think of how powerful that is, and what it means to "be someone" within a small community versus striving for the most followers on the internet or to be the most famous person in the country. It's a completely different scale and one that is inherently, I think, also more filled with meaning.
My father was a Methodist minister so I grew up going to Sunday School and church. But my father was not big on literalism which didn't always sit well with everyone in the pews. Later on, when I was in the 5th grade, he became a member of the Board of Missions with an office in New York next to Riverside Church. He died when I was 17 so I never got to discuss deep subjects with him and had to find answers for myself.
My first year in college, I attended church but by the end of the year it lost its importance. In the subsequent 5 decades I had a wide variety of co-workers in a wide variety of jobs but in most of them we formed a community of shared interests due to the job and sometimes we shared other thoughts. Now that I am retired, my children in their own lives with grandchildren are unlikely, my wife and I have separate interests. She is in a book club which meets monthly and sometimes they even talk about the book they were supposed to read and I think that's a community activity. But things like this group of commenters form a bit of a community but unless we are continually active, it isn't much of one.
Is it something I miss? Do I have a hole in my life that isn't filled? Perhaps but I'm not very sociable so even in a group I'm a peripheral member.
About a month ago, I attended the wedding of a friend who just got married at the age of 59. He is an Episcopal priest, his spouse is a "him," and they were wed in the beautiful country church where my friend is the rector. They spoke about being able to marry, finally, and exchanged traditional vows that include "with my body, I thee honor," which I have always loved. Finally, the members of the congregation stood and pledged to support this couple, as is tradition. I was moved by the sense that the marriage was one loop in a larger fabric of loving community. I wondered how my own marriage might have survived, had I felt this kind of "belongingness." I can't call myself a Christian, but I love going to church for the singing, the call to higher values and virtues, and especially the idea of belonging. I am also an ardent feminist; I was molested by the deacon in my parents' church when I was 13, and it not only violated my body but my soul. Yet I can't reject all of Christianity - to do so would be reductive. "Love God with all your heart and mind and soul and strength" is a verse that I live by - the Old Testament idea that truth demands everything we have. That's a feminist sentiment. And praying to Our Creator instead of our "father" enables me to say "help me forgive." I have to believe that like other institutions, religious bodies can and should be transformed. It's not a matter of simply changing male to neutral pronouns in the Bible or whatever book; I get that. But these books, like all books, are worth study in that they reveal our history, and our history the key to a better future. I choose to believe that a man like the figure of Jesus, preaching love and overturning the tables of moneylenders, is the ultimate revolutionary figure - and so would liberation theologists. A good place for a deeper dive into some of these themes is the work of Karen Armstrong, a good feminist and former "sister" who has written numerous books excavating such history, and Christine Hayes at Yale. We can't erase religions and start over, and there are reasons patriarchal authority has historically had an appeal. Let's continue to press for change; let's be more rigorous in our thinking so that persons like my dear friend can choose to stand up in a church and marry, I can stand up and say "amen."
I love this post and am curious to what others have to say. I grew up as a “military brat” so often felt on the outside, looking in with curiosity at community. I have found community in friends unrelated to geography. And I have raised my last child in one place, a small rural New England town. It’s a lot of work, and mostly rewarding. I don’t have a regular church, rather participating here and there in a few, and I have chosen to work hard to engage in community service- and joy-oriented activities. Physical touchstones have been the community center, schools, the general store and online “hubs”. I often wonder about the differences my last daughter might feel with having an anchor. And, I often wonder if she will be considered part of the community, or if we will always be the ones who moved in to X’s place. Culture, geography, community - all can be elusive.
I love this piece - the one part I guess I’m kind of skeptical of is that we need to have “meaning-making” community spaces, or that people in them need to share a “general philosophy”. My religious upbringing was pretty benign - Reform Judaism is not exactly known for zealotry or hierarchy - but I was just never going to feel comfortable standing around while people sang the praises of an entity that doesn’t exist, or in any forum where there was a call-and-response ritual where people collectively assert any belief. I’ve gone to totally secular protests and felt the same way. I think there are ways to build community around enjoying shared activities that don’t involve expecting people to sign on to a suite of beliefs in order to join, or at least I hope so.
This is a good point -- I don't think people need to share a general philosophy, but I do think meaning-making spaces are valuable. And by "meaning-making" I don't mean "praise an entity," but more "explore the big questions that life poses." Which can certainly be done through or adjacent to other activities, and in fact is probably more meaningful when everyone doesn't have the same set of beliefs going in.
I recently had some remarkable experiences with movement improvisation / dance workshops, which brought together a wide spectrum of people in the city, and apart from exploring motion and touch, led to really interesting and deep conversations as a group. Meaningful community interaction is really possible outside religion!
Yes! One idea I've been turning over in my head is the power of physical movement, and dance in particular, in moving us through complex emotions and creating bonds with others. So glad you've had this experience.
As a public citizen, civil rights lawyer and Army veteran (Cold War Germany, Iraq and Afghanistan), I have seen much, and often asked myself the question "how can we humans do better?"
Jill's essay basically asks the same question, "but for religion." I think the answer lies in evolutionary psychology and our tribal instincts in our human nature.
A religious group is a tribe (as are a group of Yankee or Red Sox fans, PTA parents, corporate executives, Proud Boys, Never Trump'ers, Trumpist Republicans, etc). The answer to Jill's question is this: create tribes with the goals designed to serve the community in a principled manner, with liberal (small "L" values), and which provide self-satisfaction.
I recently watched the 2001 movie The Majestic, expecting a silly Jim Carrey comedy, but instead finding a very insightful view of how community in America can falter but then gain its footing with an organizing principle of community and country, creating civic cohesion. Secular religion of sorts.
From personal experience, I can provide one other "community" that fits Jill's bill--the US military.
I saw it in the Army Officer Corps and in US military generally, including veterans of WW II (my dad), Korea, Vietnam and post-9/11. These are men and women of (generally speaking) all walks of life, races/national origins, social strata (except the rich), religious affiliation (except some "ultra" groups) and political views. Americans serving in the military MUST work together, and MUST spend a great deal of time together. This forces civil discussion from different perspectives, civility and mutual understanding. The US Army, in my view, is America's most egalitarian society, and for good reason.
Thus, one year of mandatory military or community service for high school grads might be a sound means of addressing many of the problems identified in Jill's essay.
As long as the folks who believe in hierarchy are running things, religion will be a weapon and not a balm.
I really like my unitarian church.. it's kind of like "get rid of all the dogma, keep the community"
I grew up similarly (liberal household, went to church on Christmas and Easter) and stopped believing, myself, in my late teens. As I've gotten older, I do feel the void of what you describe very much. I've tried filling it with yoga, as well, and as much as I enjoy yoga, it doesn't quite fit that hole.
I tried going to church again a year or so ago. I went to an episcopal church (my family's religion and the one in which I was raised, however slightly) and dear god was it boring, lol. I guess I assumed it would be more interesting as an adult. I don't know, but I haven't been back. I'm still looking. It seems all but impossible to get (and keep) people together for this kind of purpose outside of the church/synagogue/mosque paradigm.
I was raised as a Unitarian. We rarely discussed God, or the Bible. But we did have an old out of tune piano on which someone banged out tunes from a Methodist hymnal. There was no minister preaching. Instead, the adults took turns setting up each Sunday program. A play written by a member of the congregation. An amateur quartet playing Telemann and Mozart. A lively discussion about various boycotts, what actions to take in support of Vietnam War protests, etc. We even had Frank Herbert (author of Dune) come speak. Every summer we held potlucks and played volleyball. We were not about conformity, but the exchanging of ideas. Debate. Discussion. Understanding. And inclusion.
That was my church experience. I loved it, dreaded it, and can only say that that fellowship had a profound impact on my life. To date I have on and off tried to find that type of community again, even among the Unitarians themselves, but to no avail.
I fear the bad and the good sides may be uncomfortably linked. Is it possible to have a belief system that forges deep community -- the kind where people sacrifice for each other -- without exclusion, us vs them thinking, and orthodoxy? Not many examples come to mind.
my thoughts exactly. i would rather spend time with my partner, doing hobbies, and enjoying life.
Sure, me too. But problems arise when the life enjoyers have to compete against the true believers — who will be willing to sacrifice more to win?
There are humanistic, non-theistic congregations in many cities in the U.S. i belong to one such congregation which is part of a nationwide organization, the Society for Humanistic Judaism, where we provide many of the benefits of traditional congregations which you describe in your article. There is the Ethical Culture Society.
We have two organizations here in San Antonio TX which provide community but not religion. One is called Celebration Circle and the other is our single Unitarian Church. I do not attend either because I am shut-in with several immune problems. But I’d definitely at least explore these places if I could.
You wrote this after all I wrote about Who decides? I wanted to help and have a unique perspective I thought...it might have been a lot to write at once...how long would it have taken you to write what I did? It was literally 20 minutes and a morning dew...no one has responded and it was as thoughtful and real as I could get...I wish you could have said something...did you even like? You have a few more minutes before I unfollow you. You deserve the $70 dollars I spent for the year. I didn’t know it could have been free, but it was not a mistake but thought I had to, you brought me here. It was worth $70 for just fourteen days...you deserve to make even more with your writing. This article is crap...does it feel like you’re winning the clean out the religion closet...is it all in order for you Jill? Is everything in order...I ask a lot of people...and today a woman who organizes came to my moms and fixed up the flooded basement some more...big project...the fastidious organizer...it’s a ministry but she charges...it’s a lot of work to organize. I hope you’re organized when you write hurtful and mean articles like this. I know what it’s like when people gloat on the edge of winning...they lose...you will lose. You are as bad as those you complain about...at least it makes you consistent. Game on...I did enjoy your articles and you can see me at church if you want. I’m there in any church in America...I’m not really unique...you are. We all have a Substack in our minds...you have it here. I will have no interaction with you here....everyone take note...comment...because Jill is a coward with yoga as her religion...she’s real limber and organized...sorted.